You’re Not Behind. You’re in the Messy Middle.

You’re Not Behind. You’re in the Messy Middle.

Being an entrepreneur can feel like living in a constant state of “not quite there.”

No matter why you started your company, whether it was to do something better, differently, or simply on your own terms, the feeling of needing to catch up can be relentless. I remember looking around and seeing other businesses that just seemed finished. Polished branding. Clear client acquisition. Better benefits. Systems that looked confident and complete.

It was easy to tell myself those were real businesses.

And me? I was just playing dress up.

When Comparison Becomes a Distraction

That comparison wasn’t just exhausting. It was distracting.

It quietly oriented me toward someone else’s finish line and pulled me out of the season I was actually in. There was so much happening right in front of me. Lessons I needed to learn. Decisions I was growing into. Real progress being made.

Joy existed there too. But I kept missing it because I was fixated on the next milestone. The one that would finally make me feel legitimate. A real owner. A real CEO. A real BCBA.

The Messy Middle We Never See

We show the world polished versions of ourselves all the time. Our businesses. Our leadership. Our families. But we almost never show the messy middle.

The parts where it feels fragile. Where decisions feel heavy. Where you wonder if you are about to be found out for not knowing enough or for building as you go.

For a long time, I truly believed I was alone in that feeling.

Everywhere I looked, I saw confident leaders who seemed decisive, organized, and sure of themselves. I assumed that if I just read more leadership books, worked harder on my confidence, or woke up earlier, I would eventually morph into them.

The Two Kinds of Leaders I’ve Met

As the years passed and I met more entrepreneurs, really met them, I started to notice something important.

There were two kinds of leaders.

The first lacked self-awareness. They appeared incredibly confident. Certain in their decisions. Unbothered by nuance or gray areas. Entrepreneurship followed a relatively straight path toward a clearly defined outcome. The end goal justified the means, and doubt rarely slowed them down.

The second group was different.

These leaders were deeply self-aware. Thoughtful. Often conflicted. Entrepreneurship was not about a fixed destination, but about moving away from something that no longer fit and toward something better, even if they could not fully name it yet.

They questioned themselves. They noticed gaps. They felt the weight of responsibility.

And many of them quietly wondered if they were doing it right.

Why Discomfort Is Not a Disqualifier

Here is the part that surprised me most.

That discomfort was not a flaw. It was a feature.

That feeling of not measuring up is not proof that you are an imposter. More often, it is a sign that you are paying attention. That you care. That you can see what is possible and are stretching toward it.

Self-aware leaders notice what they do not know. Instead of disqualifying them, that awareness equips them to build better teams, stronger communities, and more sustainable businesses.

The Truth About Leadership

The truth is, most leaders are making it up as they go.

Some are just better at hiding it.

Certainty is not a prerequisite for leadership. Not knowing does not mean you do not belong here. It means you know enough to ask questions, to pace yourself, and to invite others in.

The messy middle is not a failure.

It is the work.

A Note for BCBAs Who Feel the Pull

If you are a BCBA who feels the pull to build something of your own but keeps waiting until you feel ready, let this be your permission to start anyway.

You do not need the whole plan.

You do not need to know every step.

You just need the willingness to begin and the humility to learn as you go.

And if you are already a BCBA owner and things feel messy right now, take a breath.

That does not mean you are doing it wrong. It usually means you are doing it honestly. Growth is rarely tidy. Progress is rarely linear.

The discomfort you feel is often a sign that you are building something real.

Keep going.

You are not behind.

You are in it.